Title: Might As Well Face It Author: mimic117 Email: mimic1172@gmail.com Rating: Big ol' fluffy G Category: H, challenge, all-dialog Spoilers: Nyet Summary: You're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to... Archive: Yes indeedy! Feel free to filch at will. Disclaimer: I think if CC and 1013 had given us fun scenes like this, I might be more inclined not to mess with their stuff. Author's Notes: At the end so you can ignore them easier. Thanks: To my sugar, XochiLuvr, who wanted to see Mulder trying to get over an addiction with Scully's help. But without smut! Talk about a challenge...! This was written for the MSR- Central May 2003 Admin Request Challenge. Here you go, Chief. It's a bit over the maximum word count, so you can spank me for it if you want. (Gotta work the smut in *somewhere*.) Special beta thanks to Jake for the tweaking. That tickles! And thanks for making my lazy-ass brain think. You know how much I hate that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Might As Well Face It by mimic117 Scully's apartment 5:45 PM "Mulder! What the hell are you DOING?" "Ahh! Don't sneak up on me like that! Um, Scully, aren't you home early? I thought you had errands to run." "I ran them at lunch. And don't change the subject. What were you doing?" "Nothing." "Don't give me that bullshit, Mulder. I saw it." "Then why are you asking ME?" ~huff~ "What was it this time?" "Uh..." "Spill it. Or I'll have the guys come over and remove your computer's spam filter. You'll be buried in junk email and won't have time to sneak around behind my back." ~sigh~ "It was a salt and pepper shaker." ~groan~ "Mulder... I already have three salt and pepper sets, thanks to you." "But this one is shaped like Elvis!" "Great. He'll fit right in with Marilyn Monroe and the flying saucers." "Scully..." "I thought we agreed that you would quit." "Ummm..." "We did. And now you've conveniently forgotten your promise to me." "I didn't forget. I just... this one was really special, Scully. I *couldn't* pass it up." "Yes, you could. And you should. We discussed this only three days ago." "You don't understand. There's not a whole lot to do with two broken legs besides wheel myself to the toilet, the kitchen or the TV. It's not easy to keep myself occupied while you're at work. This is just a bit of harmless --" "It's NOT harmless! It went beyond harmless weeks ago. You need help." "No I don't." "Yes, you do." "No I --" "Let me state this bluntly so you'll understand what I'm saying. You're addicted to online auctions." "I am not!" "I can't believe I'm explaining this to a person with a psychology degree. You're addicted! Compulsively obsessed. Devoted to. Given over to. Dependent on. Hooked --" "No I'm not! I can stop any time I want to." "Well that's good, because apparently you didn't think it was necessary to stop after you promised you would." "I... Oh, hell." "Since you first discovered these online flea markets, you have won close to fifty auctions for random bits of useless junk." "Ummm...." "What?" "It's probably closer to seventy-five, actually. And it's not useless junk!" ~snort~ "Yeah, sure." "No, really. How about those sapphires earrings I got for you?" "You're right, Mulder. They're beautiful. I haven't noticed any of the magical properties the documentation claimed, but maybe I just haven't waited long enough for the full effect." "And what about the blank mouse pads? You can make your own instead of paying the ridiculous prices they charge in the store." "A definite bargain. It *will* be fun to make mouse pads with my own designs. As soon as I download some pictures. And get some inkjet T-shirt transfer paper for the printer. And an iron. I don't think my little wrinkle steamer is going to work. Plus time to print the pictures and transfer them to the mouse pads using the iron. Of course, I have a laser mouse and I don't really *need* a mouse pad..." "Okay then. What's wrong with buying videos online? Huh?" "They were all bootlegged from VHS to DVD and you already *own* those Bigfoot videos PLUS the entire set of Carl Sagan's Cosmos tapes. You're a federal officer! Doesn't that seem hypocritical to you?" "Well...." "Mulder, please. You have to stop before you bankrupt yourself or get arrested. Don't pout. I'll stop at the video store tomorrow. I can get books from the library for you. Just... I *will* resort to defenestration if I have to. You need to get away from the computer and find a new hobby. Okay?" ~sigh~ "Okay. I'm sorry. I'll lay off the auctions." "It's for your own good, you know. Wanna watch a little TV with me?" "All right. I wonder if Who's Line Is It Anyway is on Comedy Central." "Or maybe there's something good on The History Channel." "Hey Scully! Look! It's The Home Shopping Network!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE END Author's Notes: (told you they'd be here) This little idea came out of my own shameful past. mr. mims can attest to the fact that I was an eBay junkie for two years - but please don't get him started on that. Each winning auction was recorded on an index card. At last count, I had used two packs of cards, but I was still buying back then. I actually bought the mouse pads mentioned and put X-Files pictures on them for a bunch of friends. I've run out now and need some more, but I'm afraid to look again. Now that I've got the summer free, I'm going to start up an eBay business of my own. Payback's a bitch, they say... The story title and summary came from the amazing song, Addicted To Love, or for those of us who enjoy Weird Al Yankovic, Addicted To Spuds. If you haven't heard one or the other, check 'em out. Challenge Elements from XL (you sadist, you) 150 - 500 words - Umm, a bit over, but they were necessary. Use the word defenestration (no one seems to be able to find it in the dictionary but it does exist) Use the word spam - check Use the word central - check Feedback: mimic1172@gmail.com