Title: Jersey-deviled

Author: mimic117

Email: mimic1172@gmail.com

Rating: PG-13 for naughty cussin' ~gasp~

Category: V H all dialog

Summary: Being the true account of one wild night in The Garden 
State with a bunch of Philes. Really.

Archive: I'll do Gossamer and Ephemeral myself, thanks.

Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be. All hail CC and Co.

Author's Notes: For Lidia, in apology for the 30-minute "scenic 
detour" on our way to the airport, and in thanks for her sweet, 
supportive nature. 

Beta thanks to my ever-reliable Twinsy, who definitely has NOT 
lost her God-given gift to beta bitch.


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Jersey-deviled
by mimic117


Mount Laurel, NJ
Aug. 8, 2004
1:28 PM

"Mulder, we're going the wrong way."

"What do you mean, we're going the wrong way?"

"I mean we're going the wrong way!"

"No we're not. We're headed for the airport."

"We're headed for the *wrong* airport."

"Wait a minute, Scully. You mean there's more than one 
airport?"

"Northeast Philadelphia Airport is this way."

"Where are we supposed to be going?"

"Our tickets say Philadelphia International. According to the 
map, it's in the opposite direction."

"Shit!"

"Mulder?"

"What?"

"Turn around."

"I can't!"

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"Look at the signs, Scully. 'No left turn.' 'No left turn.'"

"That's never stopped you before."

"I do try not to break the law with a patrol car right behind me."

"Oh. Then how are we supposed to get where we need to be?"

"Let me think a minute. I'll figure it out."

"This is ridiculous. Why aren't you allowed to turn left?"

"Probably for the same reason you're not allowed to pump your 
own gas in New Jersey."

"Why's that?"

"Because they said so."

"You know, we wouldn't have rushed off in the wrong direction 
if I hadn't been forced to go looking for you this morning. I 
still don't understand how you knocked yourself out and ended up 
sleeping in that conference room all night."

"I told you. I didn't hit my head. I got a little blitzed and 
passed out."

"Right. After spending the night drinking with a bunch of 
women."

"Yes! I've already been over this."

"I'm just finding it a little hard to believe."

"It's not my fault that everyone was already gone when you 
found me."

"Mulder, it didn't look like the room had been used at all!"

"I can't help that, either. All I know is what I remember."

"Which is?"

"I told you!"

"Tell me again. Maybe repetition will make it more plausible." 

~sigh~ "Fine. After supper, I went down to the hotel lobby to 
see if they had a courtesy computer."

"You could have used my laptop."

"You were already working on it, Scully. I didn't want to 
disturb you."

"I -- OH! Turn -- Dammit. That patrol car's still back there. 
Okay. So you went down to use the computer."

"But I couldn't find one and no one was at the desk to ask. So I 
was on my way back to the elevators when a door off the lobby 
opened and I heard laughter."

"And of course you had to investigate."

"Well, I *am* an investigator."

"Point taken. Continue."

"Right. So I snuck up to the door, thinking I might be able to 
hear what was going on inside."

"Admit it. You were snooping."

"Stop that, Scully. You said you wanted to hear it again."

"Sorry."

"So *anyway*.... I'd just gotten close to the door when it 
opened again. The woman standing there yelled, 'Hey! Come 
on in!' and hauled me into the room."

"Did you get her description?"

"I already told you I didn't. It happened too fast, and once I 
was inside the room, I was mobbed."

"Right. I forgot."

"Everybody was talking at once, patting me on the back, a 
couple gave me hugs, then someone stuck a cup full of blue 
stuff in my hand and pulled me farther into the room."

"Blue stuff?"

"Alcohol, Scully. One of them said it was Ty-D Bol, another 
one said it was Windex, and somebody else said no, it was 
Romulan Ale. So I'm not exactly sure what I was drinking, but 
it was a lot stronger than it looked."

"And it was blue."

"Yep. Tasted good, though. So I took a sip and walked around 
a bit. There were a couple of people at one end of the room 
working on a laptop. It looked like they were downloading 
something."

"You couldn't see what it was?"

"No. It was in the middle of the download, I think. There were 
a couple people playing with Barbie and Ken dolls at another 
table."

"Kids?"

"Grown women. They were posing the dolls and laughing 
hysterically. I think they'd already been into the Romulan Ale. 
The Ken doll was dressed in red snakeskin pants."

"What was Barbie wearing, Mulder?"

"I really didn't notice because somebody gave me another cup 
of the Windex right then."

"The first one didn't last long."

"It was a small cup."

"So what were you doing all this time?"

"Walking around and listening to people."

"What were they saying?"

"A couple of them were talking about torturing some guy. They 
were discussing different ways to make him sick and how sick 
he could be without dying. I didn't stick around."

"And you didn't report it? They were planning to poison 
someone!"

"It was hypothetical torture, Scully. Nothing happened."

"Even so...  What was everyone else doing?"

"Just talking in clusters, all around the room."

"About?'

"One group was talking about writing."

"What kind of writing?"

"Um, sex, actually."

"You never mentioned that before."

"Well I was on my fourth cup of the blue stuff by then, Scully. 
I might have heard wrong, but that's what it sounded like."

"That proves my whole point, Mulder. How do you know it 
wasn't all a hallucination brought on by concussion?" 

"Because I *didn't* hit my head. Plus I don't usually get 
hangovers from a concussion."

"But there was nothing in that room this morning except you."

"I know. I know. And I can't explain it. But I do have a 
theory."

"I'm not sure I want to hear this."

"Aww, come on, Scully."

~sigh~ "Okay. What's your theory?"

"Time travel."

"Time travel?"

"Yeah. See, I think I must have stepped through a portal of 
some kind into that same room, but at a different point in time. 
What I saw was actually a manifestation of the past or the 
future, I'm not sure which. But what I experienced was exactly 
what went on in that room, whenever those events really 
occurred."

"And the past or future of this room included a bunch of 
women, talking about torturing a man and writing sex, drinking 
Romulan Ale and dressing Barbie dolls?"

"And playing Twister. I just remembered that."

"Stop the car, Mulder."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I think I'd better drive. Your concussion is worse than I 
thought."

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THE END

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