Title: Coming Up Roses

Author: mimic117

Email: mimic1172@gmail.com

Rating: PG due to Anglo-Saxon invectives

Category: V, H Written for the Haven 600 Word Talk To Me 
Challenge. Elements listed at the end.

Spoilers: Nope

Summary: Mulder comes up smelling like a rose -- literally.

Unbeta'd and envenomed, so read at your own risk.

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Coming Up Roses
by mimic117


"What the hell happened to you, Mulder? You're a mess."

"The perp ambushed me, tossed me into a rose bush and got 
away."

"You just let him go?"

"Agent Colter kept after him. I couldn't very well do anything 
surrounded by roses." 

"A rose bush did all that?"

"Yes, and stop rolling your eyes at me. Could you help pick 
out some of these thorns, please?"

"Who grew this rose bush, King Kong?"

"It was huge, Scully! Ouch. Monstrous! And the perp pitched 
me right into the middle of the damned thing. Ow! That hurts!"

"Don't be such a baby. That's what you get for chasing 
suspects through a botanical garden."

"The chasing wasn't a problem. It was crawling through all 
those stickers that caused the damage. I haven't seen thorns 
like that since I landed in the rose bed outside Betsy Frieland's 
bedroom window. Ow! Watch it!"

"Oh hush, Mulder. What were you doing outside her bedroom 
window?"

"Trying not to get caught *in* her bedroom by her father."

"Did he catch you?"

"Ouch. No. And I don't think he ever figured out it was me 
since most of the scratches were under my clothes."

"Don't tell me you dove out her window *naked*."

"Weeeell, not *totally* naked. She had these diaphanous 
curtains covering her windows and I sort of ~ow~ took those 
with me when I jumped."

"Quit squirming. So you ended up rolling around in the rose 
bed, covered with nothing but sheer draperies. I'll bet you 
had scratches in some very painful places."

"You have no idea, Scully."

"No, but I have a good imagination."

"You know, you're getting far too much enjoyment out of this."

"I'm just relieved that you're back on schedule."

"Ow. On schedule for what?"

"You haven't been injured in over two months. I was getting 
nervous that you were overdue."

"Hardy har har. Just keep pulling thorns, okay?"

"Look on the bright side, Mulder."

"Is there a bright side?"

"Of course there is. This time you weren't hurt enough to need 
drugs, so I won't have to listen to your snoring at night." 

"Sez you. And I do not snore."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"You do when you're drugged."

"Okay. So I can't attest to what I do when I'm stoned on the 
good stuff. But I still think being drugged up would be worth 
tormenting you with my snoring."

"They're just scratches. You'll be fine." 

"But they hurt! Scratches sting every bit as much as cuts or 
stabs or scrapes."

"And there *are* a lot of them."

"My point exactly."

"I'll get you some ibuprofen." 

"You're all heart, partner. Hey. Are you laughing at me?"

"I'm not laughing."

"You are too."

"I'm snickering."

"Same thing, Scully. What's so funny?"

"I can hardly wait to see Skinner's face when he realizes how 
this case ended."

"What's funny about that?"

"Well for once, Mulder, you came out smelling like a rose."

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THE END

Challenge elements

600 words or less (about 100 less but that counts)
All dialog (one of my favorite formats!)
The words roses, monstrous, schedule, snoring, diaphanous.
Yep, got 'em all in there.

Feedback: mimic1172@gmail.com