TITLE: Honesty AUTHOR: Jenna SPOILERS: Elegy CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, Scully POV, angst, cancer-arc RATING: G DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never was, just borrowing. ARCHIVING: Yes SUMMARY: Scully reflects on the impact her cancer will have on Mulder in the future. AUTHOR'S NOTES: To Sallie on her birthday. Happiest of birthdays, sweetie! Thanks for all the prayers! -------------------------------------------------- I'm fine, I tell him. I wonder how many times that lie will actually work, especially now. I've used that line so many times in the past to hide my true feelings. However, this time, I can't lie to him. I have to tell him the truth, but only in so many words. Mulder can read between the lines. After all, he's a brilliant man. It's one of the many qualities I love about him. He knows I'm anything but fine. I'm frightened and so is he. We're scared of what the future holds for both of us. Cancer is so final, so definite and such an ugly word. I cannot imagine how Mulder will cope without me there. My mother had told me how devastated he was when I was missing. Mulder will not talk about it, but I know what my eventual death will do to him, and that's what frightens me the most. Can he stand the loss of one more person in his life? He has lost so many already. My sickness is just one more blame heaped upon his defeated shoulders and I cannot stand to see him in emotional pain. My illness may just be the thing to push him over the edge, and if so, I'll be there standing guard, simply because I love him.