It All Comes Back
By Piper Sargasso

Rating: PG

Archive: Gossamer and Ephemeral - Yes. Anyone else would
be great. Please let me know where.

Keywords: MSR

Category: V

Spoilers: Nothing specific. Set between Existence and 
The Truth

Disclaimer: Characters within were created by CC. No 
infringement intended. 

Summary: Sometimes it only takes the small things to 
make it all come back to you.

Author's Note: For Sallie, who gave this vignette a soul. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


This afternoon, I encountered a woman wearing your 
perfume. She smiled as we passed on the sidewalk. 

It was a simple thing, really, but it unleashed a flood of 
memories that brought me to my knees, dissolving my 
pretense of strength and resolve. 

I remembered the way you hum in the back of your 
throat, the sound barely audible, as you take your first 
bite of cake; the way you savor the flavor of your wine. I 
recalled your exact method for dissecting a salad, 
carefully quartering the tomato wedges and cucumbers, 
picking out the onions if there were too many before 
sprinkling it with a precise amount of vinaigrette. It's 
almost an eccentricity, the way you do this. One of the 
little things about you I've come to love.

Vividly, I saw in my mind the way you smack your lips 
gently when you wake in the morning; the way sunlight 
streamed through your hair the thousands of times we 
stood outside a suspect's house. At those times I liked to 
think the sun was made only for you, to make the copper 
strands dance with life, to enhance your beauty. And 
sometimes I'd selfishly imagine that maybe - just 
maybe, the sun was created for me, so that I could see 
you in all your brilliance. 

Perhaps it was a challenge. It was never easy to 
concentrate on my words, when I was privileged to gaze 
at you in that light, glowing golden. You never knew 
that, did you? How hard it was to speak at all when my 
mind wanted to focus only on how incredibly amazing 
you looked.  

I miss the taste of your sweet mouth, the salt of your 
skin as I nibble it gently, my tongue sneaking out to 
sample your flavor.  I need the feel of you in my bed, 
surrounding me with your warmth, and healing me with 
your unconditional love. I can't look into the sky 
without recalling the liquid blue of your eyes, staring up 
into mine, or focused on a book.  

When was the last time I indulged in the simple pleasure 
of walking by your side, silently taking in the scenery on 
a spring day?  How long since we looked up at one 
another, knowing, as the answers to a case just - fell into 
place?

These things, all these seemingly mundane things, 
suddenly overwhelmed me on that sunny sidewalk in 
that nondescript town. It hurts so much to think I might 
never see you again, that our son may never know me as 
anything but a photograph. More terrifying than the 
prospect of dying for this cause, is the knowledge that 
you may never know for sure. Will you think that I've 
changed my mind, that it all became too much and I 
chose a different path, leaving this old one behind me? 
Will you go to your grave, never knowing if I was killed 
for my single-minded pursuit of the truth? 

No, we're connected, soul to soul, forever. You'd know. 
You've always known when it came to me. You knew 
that day when I couldn't bear the distance between us 
another minute, and I risked it all for a few stolen 
moments. You looked so beautiful in that simple dress, 
the gauzy fabric swirling softly around your legs in the 
breeze as you pushed our son in his stroller. You sensed 
my presence that day; I'm as sure of it as I am of my 
own name. You'll sense me forever, just as you always 
have.

I swallowed the bitter tears that threatened to spill over.  
They have no place in our happy memories. Walking 
faster, I put all my energy into moving forward. It feels 
like an end may be in sight, and if I hurry, I can finally 
make it happen. Armed with sheer will, I'll fight to find 
closure. 

Give Will a kiss for me, Scully. I'll be home soon.


 ~ The End ~